An Exception to the Rule

An Exception to the Rule



Most people tell mother in law jokes and comics always make bad references about mothers in law. Perhaps some deserve it. My mother in law was an exception to the rule.

Frieda Kress, a lady nobody ever spoke poorly about minded her own business, never gave unsolicited advice, and appreciated and acknowledged with gratitude anything done for her. She never gossiped or betrayed confidences.

She was happy to be a baby sitter for her grand children, and then great grand children, until she got too frail to be responsible for them by herself. She had her full mental abilities well into her early nineties. She lived for her family and all welcomed her into their hearts and homes with love.

When I met her as an adult, she lived just a few blocks away from her daughter who would become my future wife, Paula. She always walked to Paula’s house until it became too much for her. She enjoyed the fresh air and exercise. Never having been an automobile driver I am sure contributed to her longevity. About fifteen years ago I was speed walking to see how long it took to walk to her house. I remember the exact time it took and asked her how long it took her to get too our house. She told me it always takes her eleven minutes. This turned out to be two minutes less than it took me and I was thirty years younger than her.

I have never come across a more disciplined eater. Her weight never varied in all the years I knew her. I first met her when I was a teenager. We all lived in the same neighborhood in Brooklyn and she was a client of our family business and I was a friend of Paula’s. When she ate at our house after I came on the scene she always complained that Paula put too much on her plate. Mom always wanted the smallest portion of anything served. Eating between meals? Forget about it! It was not in her repertoire.

Frieda had been widowed at the age of 55 and moved out to Long Island shortly thereafter. This was at the time that Paula divorced her husband and went to work. Mom thought it would make it easier for Paula to have peace of mind that someone was around if the children needed her. Paula’s children now have grown children of their own and realize what a great presence she was in their lives.

Mom had several phrases she often repeated. One was “Self praise is no recommendation.” Another was “If you have years to live you will get through everything.”

This became apparent one spring day when she was ninety years old.
She went for a ride with a friend and neighbor who was fifteen years her junior. Sophie liked to stop at the town dock and feed the gulls and pigeons. She got back into the car with Frieda in the passenger seat and inadvertently stepped on the gas pedal very forcefully with the car in reverse instead of drive

Fortunately no one was behind her that Sunday afternoon, because she jumped a standard steel guard rail which caught the front wheels of her old Oldsmobile. The tide was out and the car was hanging over a jetty or breakwater. The car bent like the letter “L” from the center doorpost to the back wheels. Miraculously the gas tank remained intact, and there was no gasoline line or tank leak. The Port Washington Fire and Emergency Police hooked a huge chain around the front axle to keep the car from falling into Hempstead Harbor.

Paula and I happened to come along at that time returning from a pleasure drive. I parked my car and wanted to see what all of the commotion going on at the town dock was about. After a few minutes we saw firemen go with Ladders onto the jagged rocks to carry out the passengers. People were saying that they though there were two old ladies in the car.

At that point Paula saw Sophie, and realized her mother had to be in the car as well. She and I ran through the police ropes and saw them getting carried out. Frieda saw Paula and said “What are you doing here?” Paula replied hysterically crying, “Better yet, what are YOU doing here?” Mom was so calm. She did not realize that if the tide had been in she would have been under water, or that the car could have exploded or slipped into the bay before the fireman got there. If the car would have been hit by the jetty just a foot closer to the front compartment, it would have been over. She was on television that night and in the local papers. The medics made sure she was all right before they let us take her home. Her blood pressure didn’t vary one iota from normal. Sophie stayed in the hospital over night as she was very anxious and we insisted that Mom stay at our house.

The Port Washington Fire Department which is a volunteer department use pictures that their photographer took in their fund raising brochure. I told Mom that she always said “If you have years to live, you will, and when your time is up, it’s up”. That was the perfect example of it. Frieda died at he age of 95 in February 2004 in her own bed at home, after living what her now eight year old great grandson called a “very good life.”

Her great grandchildren ask and are taken to visit Grandma at her graveside and “talk to Grandma Frieda” and tell her how they are doing. It is an idyllic setting and we are all sure that nothing would have made her happier.