To Live Again
All the cars in the procession lined up behind the hearse and two limousines at the cemetery office. Clearance was given to proceed to the area adjacent to the prepared grave at the Meyers family plot. Most of the people who came to this part of the funeral after the chapel service were close friends and family. It was a bright day in late June, 2003.
The deceased’s husband, Jack Meyers thought,
“How can there be sunshine on this day? It should be pouring rain; everyone should be able to hide their grief under open umbrellas. At least that’s the way it is in the movies, but that’s not real. Is this happening, am I going to wake up from a rotten nightmare?”
He wished it were so.
He heard birds chirping, traffic noises from outside the cemetery gates, and the intermittent screams of jet planes overhead. The cemetery was under a flight path to JFK airport. He knew it was real enough.
The final prayers and conclusion at the family plot took only fifteen minutes. Rabbi Renee, a dear friend was concluding with El Moley Rachomim, (Merciful God, full of compassion etc.) and the mourners Kaddish or affirmation of our belief in the Holy One.
Consciously, just to keep a grip on himself Jack was counting how many airplanes flew over Beth David Cemetery. He felt his daughter Stacey on one side holding on to his arm and his son Andy steadying him. He just wanted it to be over. He could not bear to believe that they would be lowering his beloved Marcia, wife for thirty eight years, into the ground, before him. Once the cemetery crew started the winch to lower the casket, he let out heaving sobs which he held back all day until now. It seemed like an eternity. It was only a minute or two before Jack gained enough composure to finish the ritual of throwing the first few shovels of dirt on one the oak caskets Marcia had chosen for both of them. She picked them for future use just six months ago. After attending the hurried and too elaborate funeral of a friend they wisely decided to make their own pre-need funeral arrangements. Who would have dreamt that they would need to use the facility before the second payment was made?
Then the children, Andy, Stacey and Scott took their turns with their spouses, close friends and family who wanted to let the sandy earth slide off the shovels they were handed. They continued the mitzvah (good deed) of covering the casket. This was symbolic and they all were ushered back to their vehicles when they were through. The cemetery crew waited at a discreet distance until the mourners left, then finished the job quickly with a back hoe.
Jack was glad that he had instructed his friend ‘Rabbi Renee’ Adelberg how the family wanted the funeral conducted. He wanted it to be a meaningful but short service with Psalm One Hundred Twenty One of comfort read, as well as one from Kehelos /Ecclesiastes ( A Time for Every Season).
The shock of the suddenness of Marcia’s demise went through the community with the speed of the latest email. Marcia tried to keep her illness as private as possible because she was a sort of low key type of person and did not want to be overwhelmed with sympathy from marginal acquaintances. All of their friends and relatives were quickly mustered to give Marcia a timely funeral in accordance with Jewish custom. Marcia was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer just three months ago when the cancer was in its final stages. Somehow her symptoms did not alert her doctors to make an early diagnosis, not that a heck of a lot could have been done about it anyway.
Jack continued to think,
‘God bless her soul’, she was smart even to the end wanting to keep it simple and bearable for all of us”. After going to funerals lately Marcia deplored having to listen to repetitive speeches by too many people. The most recent one was Jack’s sister two months ago. People who attended felt it was terrible to hear the same thing over and over by nine grand children of all ages at one funeral. Andy spoke on behalf of the children and Rabbi Renee did the rest in her gentle manner.
Jack hated the thought of going back to the house now and facing what he
referred to as the “after funeral party.” He just wished everyone would go home and let him be miserable by himself.
When the limousine driver brought the mourners all to the doorstep of Jack’s house they all washed their hands with the bottles of water left outside by a neighbor as the tradition says to do. Inside there were hardboiled eggs, to symbolize life, like “who cares anyway” Jack thought.
The rest of the spread was salads of all kinds, platters of smoked fish, bagels bialys, breads, cakes, pies and all other kinds of foods that were customary. There was enough
left over to send to the volunteer fire department three days later when the family ended the mourning period at home.
The children and their spouses while grieving for Marcia and in a state of shock themselves, rallied around Jack. Finally they got him to lie down for awhile before the evening crowd arrived for the next round of well meaning consolation. They had a large circle of relatives, neighbors, friends, business acquaintances and fellow congregants of B’nai Shalom synagogue. Then there were some people who just wanted to see what the interior of the Meyers’ home looked like.
Jack went into their bedroom. He closed the door, and looked at their wedding picture on the dresser, the kids pictures, and the pictures of Marcia that he framed at various happy parties and thought out loud,
“Why the hell did this happen? Why her, and not me. How can I go on without her?”
That would be a common thread for many of his thoughts for some time to come.
After the initial mourning period was over Jack was enveloped by his close friends and smothered with kisses and hugs from the youngest grandchildren.
His men friends kept him busy on the phone and occasional dinners but there was no mistaking the vast emptiness felt in his heart. During the day he just went through the daily motions of life as if on auto-pilot. Jack and his family owned a small chain of liquor stores and that kept him busy during the day time. He was on edge and getting on the nerves of some of his managers for which he later apologized. Everyone understood and gave him his “space.”
At night in his most private moments he screamed into his pillow and released the tears that he had bottled up in the depths of his soul these past few weeks. He felt that was his only way to keep his sanity. There was no purpose for living anymore.
Jack started to look through photo albums and he cried as he recalled when every picture was taken. He relived in microseconds the honeymoon, each child being born, and the wonderful celebratory parties they made. Jack felt a sense of relief as he let his emotions out.
Marcia had sheltered him for so long. He didn’t know how long to use a kitchen dish rag before washing or discarding it.
“How long does a banana stay? How many minutes does it take an egg to boil, and how long can eggs stay in the refrigerator? Are all those knobs on the washer and dryer necessary? Is it really important to change the bed sheets every week?” he wondered.
He only slept fitfully four hours a night and spent the rest of the early hours sitting in the chair that Marcia loved to sit in. He held on to her pillow and tried to conjure up her fragrance. He sniffed her blouse collars to smell her essence and sniffed the stoppers of her favorite perfume, “Miss Dior.” It did not help at all. If only he could tell her of the ache in his heart and how empty his soul felt. He missed the warmth of her body next to him in bed. Why did she leave him so helpless and vulnerable?
I wanted to die before her, he thought.
Jack felt that he was only going through the motions of living. Now he could only begin to understand the pain that is felt when you lose someone so dear. There was never enough time for goodbyes or to mentally prepare. When it happens only then is the finality real. Each time he said so long to her he wondered if it was for the last time, especially the last two weeks when she was in hospice.
“If the ground opened up and swallowed me, I’d welcome it” he said one night as he looked into the mirror.
“Nothing is important anymore; if I had the guts I would kill myself.”
But he knew that was not part of his belief system and that would be an act of cowardice.
“If everyone else survives, so can I”, he reassured himself.
Jack started to beg off accepting invitations from his children every weekend. He wanted to let them have their own family time. Jack felt when he was there without Marcia it just reminded everyone of the pain of their collective loss. It’s not fair for the kids to be sandbagged by him.
His friend Jerry Lieber had gone through this several years before and reminded Jack about the comfort he got from the bereavement group he attended. It was at the Great Neck- Senior Community Center. Jerry offered to go with him as he was once the leader of a group in another neighborhood. Jack refused and said that he would do it alone when ready. Jerry was now married to a delightful woman and was happy again after being alone for several years.
Several weeks later Jack called and spoke with the receptionist at the SCC who told him the meeting time and when the next group would begin. A new group was to begin in two weeks and there were still a few openings. Jack realized that his reluctance to attend and nervousness was something he had to deal with. This anxiety passed before he entered the premises two weeks later.
At the first meeting everyone introduced themselves. Jack was dressed in casual attire. He was well groomed, of average height and build for his sixty three years. His “salt and pepper” grey hair was slightly thinning and he was an attractive man though not overly handsome. There were five women, Jack, and another older man in attendance. Jack listened attentively as the six other people in the room told of what they felt and how they were trying to cope with their own individual loss. Jack declined to speak at the first meeting. He almost immediately decided not to come back, but Mal the other fellow in the group asked Jack to join him for a cup of coffee. They went to a nearby coffee shop. Jack was convinced to try it again.
It didn’t take long to get into the program. With the guidance of a social worker who was the group moderator each person spoke their piece. Annette, a woman in her early fifties spoke about how she had tried to stop her husband from smoking; to no avail. He eventually got Cancer and she lost him after two years. She was terribly angry at his doctors for not being available during the final weekend of his life to prescribe the liquid morphine that he needed so desperately while in home hospice.
Sheila also had great anger that she let out in torrents of tears. She was angry at her husband who died suddenly. He led her to believe that his will was up to date and it provided for her. She was his second wife and he really left her in a legal quagmire. His children were suing the estate and wanted her to have nothing.
Every person had a story but grief was the common denominator for them all. In misery there was company, and the social worker tried to assure them all that by talking and sharing and realizing that grieving is a process, some healing will begin in time. They discussed the entire process several times.
Jack was surprised to learn that the surviving spouse of a victim of a long term illness many times feels great guilt over not being with the decedent at the time of death. The professional explained that in many cases, the dying person wants to be left alone to slip away quietly and fights the inevitable until they have a private moment.
“Even house pets do that sometimes,” Jack thought. “
Jack learned while Marcia was in the hospice the family or loved ones can help someone die peaceably by allowing them to know that the survivors will be alright and taken care of. Tell them it okay to “go towards the white light” or “let go” and relax so they can feel free to join other loved ones on “the other side” or any variation of this. It was most helpful and Jack felt less guilty that Marcia slipped away while he was resting and the nurse had gone into the lounge for a break. Most of the people in this group had the commonality of the death of a spouse after a long term illness.
Jack finally shared his feelings about how much he missed intimacy. He was talking about human intimacy, not sexual intimacy. He explained that the touch of a hand during the night, a caress, a kiss on the cheek, a pat on the shoulder or behind or just a hand brushing the neck or a quick grab of the tush is what he meant. Marcia loved when she was standing at the kitchen sink, how Jack would come up behind her, nuzzle her neck and cup her breasts in his large hands. He could not imagine how people can go through the rest of their life without some intimacy and felt sorrow for those who did. He remembered how his own mother spoke of this after his Dad passed away. Now he understood more completely what she meant. By the end of the six week sessions of bereavement counseling Jack thought differently. He “lightened up” a bit.
He realized he needed more out of life than his daily routine. In times to come, he would have to get into the main stream of life again and seek some female companionship that was sincere and comforting. Hopefully it would be with someone who came from similar circumstances.
For some folks change is necessary while others can’t deal with it. After six months of rolling around in his big home he decided to speak to his children and ask them if they were interested in owning it. Nobody felt comfortable about uprooting their children from schools or friendships and no one wanted to live in Mom and Dad’s house. It just wouldn’t feel right. A realtor was engaged who not only found Jack a beautiful apartment in North Shore Towers, she also found a buyer who wanted to close on the house soon. The new apartment, a prime upscale complex mostly for retirees on the Queens/ Long Island border would be ideal for him.
Jack hired a service that helped him and his children go through the closets and cull his possessions down to what he really needed as well as family pictures and mementos. The children were able to get a lot of items for their own homes that they could use. After the move, Jack had the professionals unpack his cartons and hired a cleaning service to come in weekly. He vowed to get back to a normal routine and eat and sleep more regularly. He knew Marcia would have wanted him to be happy and carry on. She told him so at various times in their intimate discussions over the years and even more so lately. He tried to brush her off when she broached the subject of remarriage after she was resigned to her fate. When he tried to change the subject it upset her, so he heard her out. She told him to marry a woman who would be the kind that can fit in his lifestyle. She joked, “But wait at least two weeks”. They both said in the past that if either of them passed away the other should remarry and find happiness again.
The realization hit him that he must start anew and that this move would help steer him in that direction.
It was now September 2004 and almost at the Jewish Holy Days. Jack felt that he was just about ready to start going out. There had been many hints from various people in the community such as,
“Well Jack, when you are ready to go out, tell ME! I know a very nice friend who has a cousin who would be very appropriate for you. Just meet her for a drink or a dinner, no obligation. It will just be an experience. Maybe you’ll like each other. You never can tell.”
Until now Jack always said,
“I just don’t feel comfortable yet, when I will be ready, you will know.” During services he looked around and remembered which women in the community were widowed or divorced and he just could not picture any of them as a dining partner or anything more.
“Maybe it would be better to let someone fix me up with a nice sweet woman who doesn’t have great expectations.”
He told Jerry during a longer conversation,
“Jerry, I know you know how Marcia and I were, and that I would ask you when I was ready to meet someone. Believe me; I am not looking to marry anyone now, or maybe not even ever. But, I am lonely. I can use some female company. I don’t want a femme fatale or a movies star because as you know, that’s not me. I am just looking for a warmhearted, sweet decent lady to spend some time with. If she’s pleasant to look at I would consider that a bonus. So, no hurry just keep in touch and let me know if anything comes up.”
Jerry replied,
“Good move. Let me think about who I know that would be suitable for you. Just remember that just because you buy someone dinner it doesn’t mean that she is obligated to jump in the sack with you just for a lousy meal, at least for three dates” and he laughed. “Even if you ‘get lucky’ you’re not obligated to her either. It’s not like it was one hundred years ago when we were in college before the sexual revolution. If you shtupped a good girl back in the late ’50’s then you felt you had to marry her, not so now. Shit, back then maybe three girls we knew about in the whole damn school ‘put out’ and guys like us weren’t lucky enough to know them.”
They both had a good laugh about that. Jack told him that he would be scared out of his gourd to go to bed with a different woman for the first time in a ‘million’ years. He remembered the old joke,
“What’s the difference between ‘fear’ and ‘terror’?
The answer is, “Fear is the first time you can’t get it up, ‘terror’ is the second.”
Jack thought back to his college days in Boston at Medford College about two miles away from Tufts. He was in a fraternity and there were parties most weekends. Since he lived in the dormitory, he was dependent on the locals in the fraternity for rides to and from the fraternity house parties. All dates were double dates for that reason. At least it was that way for him until he got his own car in his sophomore year.
Dating was simple then. Either someone fixed you up or told you about someone who wanted to meet you. Once in awhile you met someone at a women’s dorm mixer or fraternity open house party. In his own fraternity, Phi Gamma Pi, they had an award given out among the brothers on some Sunday mornings known as the Gassman Award. It appears there was one ‘brother”, Merv Gassman, who was an upperclassman always dating the ugliest girls. The brothers presented him with a plaque and named an award for him complimenting him for being a connoisseur of women. Fortunately no one outside of the fraternity knew what the Gassman award was for at least awhile. On many evenings during a party the fellows looked around and picked a few contenders for the next award ceremony to be held at the next monthly meeting. Only the guys who had long term steadies told their girlfriends’ about it. This forced the awards to end, and Gassman became a legend for years to come.
Studies came easily to Jack. He got pretty decent grades. His long term plans included going into his uncle’s wine importing business. He got a job near where he lived, for an importer of Portuguese wines. He worked diligently and eventually was offered a position after graduation. Besides being a popular fellow with his peers, Jack was liked by young women because he always was courteous and never spoke poorly about anyone. If he didn’t care for someone nobody knew it. In short, he was a gentleman.
In time to come Jack did work for his uncle where he became the top salesman. The customers loved him and he developed many marketing and sales promotions to move his products along. During the ensuing years a large customer offered him a partnership in the retail sector. When his partner Al Jasper decided to retire he showed his appreciation of Jack by turning over the rest of the business to Jack for a paltry symbolic sum of money. Al had no heirs and had more than enough for himself and his wife to live on for years to come. Jack eventually had four separately named corporations with “carriage trade “ corporate customers as well as mail order wine and liquor customers. When the internet came along and Andy was already in the business, they were quick to capture a great marketing tool for their mail order business.
During the first few years at Medford Jack dated a lot of girls but would not commit to have a steady date. His social skills were good and he had no trouble being quite popular, but he had yet to meet that “special person.” He wanted to be able to balance his studies, part time job and also play a bit of “hoops” or basketball. He did serve as secretary of the Golden Door student honor society at Medford for his last two years as an undergraduate.
Jack met Marcia at an open house mixer at the Shelton Hall dormitory of Boston University. He walked in and saw her near the reception desk. Their eyes locked and he made a bee line right over to her. At the time he was a senior and she a freshman. He tried to think of something clever to say that was original but just decided to introduce himself. What came out of his mouth was a” spoonerism.” He said,
“Hi, I’m Mack Jeyers.”
She laughed and said cutely,
“I don’t think so, the last I heard. When I asked someone who you were, I was told you were Jack Meyers. Are you trying to go incognito?”
And Marcia laughed that special endearing laugh of hers.
“I’m Garcia Mold, but my friends think I’m Marcia Gold”, and they both had their first belly laugh together, to be followed by countless others over the rest of her life.
It was the beginning of a charming courtship. Neither of them ever dated anyone else again. Jack was smitten by her beauty, impressed by her wit and the sparkle in her eyes when she looked at him. It told him, he would be her guy from then on. It was a beautiful beginning.
Marcia Gold was the youngest of three sisters, raised by loving parents in Newton Massachusetts. Her parents met while student at the University of Michigan and were
still in love. The older sisters were already married. Marty and Roberta Gold were very protective of the remaining fledgling that had not left their nest yet. Roberta answered the phone and knew from Marcia’s voice that something was up. She heard her baby say to her,
“Mom, you know that I never said anything like this before and that I am quite level headed; last night at a mixer I know I met the man that I am going to marry.”
Beads of perspiration broke out on Roberta’s forehead and Marty picked up the extension phone to find out what was going on. After all Marcia was a freshman at college in a new environment. Since they were both smart modern people they said nothing to discourage their daughter and figured it would play it self out.
Marcia was a bright personable attractive girl with an average figure. She had a million dollar smile and black eyes that just sparkled at you. Her dark brunette hair was in a Page Boy style and it set off her charms very well. She wasn’t a cover girl but she was a charmer. This daughter was a daddy’s girl and daddy wasn’t going to let go of his little girl so easily.
Time took care of everything. Right after his graduation from Medford, Jack served his six
months in the service that were owed to Uncle Sam and Marcia toiled at her studies. The relationship withstood the test of time. Mommy and Daddy Gold had loved Jack from the beginning. Jack’s sales territory was in the New England area after he finished his service to the country, and that allowed Marcia to graduate and everyone was happy because Jack was a “catch” and came from a nice family as well. Marty and Roberta loved their son in law almost immediately because he had all the requisites they would want for their daughter. He was fine, had good prospects and treated their daughter like a princess.
Jack had so much respect for his in laws that only when they passed away did he sell his business to a conglomerate. He wanted to get back to the New York area where Stacey, Scott and Andy lived and bought four liquor stores that were up for sale just to keep busy. All of the children were college graduates, had married, and lived in Nassau County on Long island. Eventually all three siblings would wind up owning a piece of the business and make a fine living from it. Life was grand.
After setting up his new apartment Jack felt like he was getting “cabin fever” and wanted to get out. He accepted a dinner invitation from his friends Judy and Miles Kleinman for an informal Saturday night dinner. At that dinner he was introduced to Arlene Homnick a widow for three years. He wasn’t really aware of how to act toward her. Some of their friends were there and he was paired off with Arlene at the dinner table. She was nice enough to talk to, pleasant, but nothing rang bells in his head. He did not want to be rude and ask for her telephone number when he had no intention to call and ask her out. At the end of the evening he thanked his hosts and said,
“It was nice meeting you”, to Arlene.
She replied,
“Likewise.”
“Okay”, Jack thought.
“The ice is broken, It was easy enough just being myself, but I really should have been told in advance. At least I see there is nothing to be nervous about,” Jack reassured himself.
He started looking at the scraps of paper he had collected with names of women and who gave them to him. Jack made a little short list of those he might be interested in, based upon who told them about the prospect.
“It’s only a date and not a commitment, so here goes,”
He called up Susan Sanders who wanted to know right away if he was divorced or a widower, how long he was alone, and if he had gone out yet. She asked him how many casseroles people brought him and several other irritating questions. When she saw that he was going to lose his cool she backed off and apologized, saying that she had recent poor experiences with a few men who thought that they were Gods gift to humanity and that it is not a picnic being out there.
“At least you can call who you want to. If a woman would do something like that she is looked upon as being desperate, forward, or a tramp.”
She went on asking him who gave him her number and really felt contrite when she heard it was a cousin of her late husband. He had already said so when he initiated the conversation, but she was so ready to be sarcastic that she didn’t even hear him say so.
She then asked him in a soft voice if he would like to come over for coffee and cake some evening. Jack was surprised to hear himself say,
“When”?
“Is tomorrow too soon? I’d like to meet you before I scare you off entirely” Susan asked.
Susan lived in a small cape home in an area called Roslyn Country Club that she moved to after the death of her husband Michael. It was very nicely decorated in traditional style with decorator accessories that made it warm and inviting. A plate of cheese and crackers was on the cocktail table and wine was offered. Jack declined thinking it would make him yawn and look bored. Susan sipped on some Chardonnay. After a few minutes Jack changed his mind realizing he would relax more with the wine and that Susan was interesting and had charm. He would not get tired or bored.
What would become the usual questions and answers regarding how many children, grandchildren, what they do etc. followed. That’s a good way to see if anyone has any “baggage” that could be a roadblock to some people under the right or wrong circumstances. Susan wore a nice turquoise colored sweater set and black casual slacks which she filled out very nicely. She had medium length brown hair, little stud earrings and a nice medium length chain around her neck with some kind of pendant hanging. All in all she was an attractive lady. Jack was wondering if she had a “face job” as she had no discernible wrinkles. She had a pleasant manner, a gracious air about her and made a favorable appearance and impression. All in all, she was a “looker”.
He learned that she had earned her degree in Library Science at Hofstra University. Her entire career was in the Syosset library system until she retired with a pension. This was shortly before Michael’s fatal heart attack. She subbed about once a week when someone was needed to fill in. It kept her busy and the extra income was nice to have.
They made small talk and realized they knew several people in common. Susan served some cookies that she baked, and some melt-away chocolate marble cake.
The evening went quickly and Jack was going to ask her out when Susan preempted him quite unexpectedly,
“Jack, you are a nice man and I think you are delightful. I enjoyed meeting you but I wish I met you a six months from now. You are still very “raw’, meaning you are not ready to appreciate meeting a woman who is ready to have a relationship that can be meaningful and committed. I am at that point. Go out; see what’s out there in this new world you were thrust into. If you still want to call me after you see what’s out there I may still be around. I don’t know if you noticed when you came in that there were no lines or ticket booths on the corner.”
This took Jack by surprise since it was she who had asked him to come over. He thought she must be right. She told him that if he needed someone to talk to he should call. She also told him to be wary of women who are waiting to ambush a new man coming into a club, bar, or resort. They are referred to as “Barracudas” in the single set. He had seen this type of woman at the bar in “Millies Place” and similar restaurants. She cautioned him to be wary about people who were too “easy” and he should practice safe sex because the rate of sexually transmitted diseases in older people are increasing exponentially. Jack, being a reader, knew about these things but nevertheless found it hard to believe.
When Susan let Jack out of her house she hoped she wasn’t shutting more than one door. A moment of doubt crept into her heart and she hoped she wasn’t being too rough on the poor guy. He had been through a lot and she knew first hand the pain he felt. But, she quickly recouped her composure.
“This guy has to experience a lot before I can allow him into the hole in my own heart,”
She reasoned. During the next several days Jack was on her mind. He did not call as she asked him not to. In her deepest moments of her longing for companionship, she hoped that she did not lose the nicest man she had met in a long time. Jack was different from so many fellows who found it necessary in the first half hour of conversation to tell her how great they were in bed and how “no woman was ever disappointed” in them. These guys just didn’t get it. They don’t realize that the same way men age, women age as well. No decent woman past a ‘certain age’ expects to be meeting a Hollywood Hunk and wants to jump into the feathers. Don’t they want to meet a woman first and find out what they were about? She would have liked to take them to her library and sit them down with a stack of books on human sexuality and psychology of sex to learn a thing or two.
Susan remembered when one of her own kids suggested that she go out with a former school classmate’s father who had lost his wife two or three months ago. She thought it rather soon for him to call but he did, and persisted in seeing her for a dinner date. His name was Roy Greiner and he had his own line of blouses which were manufactured for him abroad.
Roy showed up on time and insisted on taking her for dinner at the Jolly Fisherman Restaurant and Steak House, a fine restaurant not too far from home. Roy lived in a different part of Roslyn, more upscale from Susan’s. During dinner Roy said,
“You are the first woman I am going out with since my wife died last year, and I am glad you are so attractive”.
Susan did not know how to answer that one, but just said to “take it one day at a time.” Roy continued,
“When Helen died a part of me died too.”
As he said this Susan was chewing on a radish which she almost gagged on. She thought there was a rodent under the table when she felt cold skin against her own foot under the table. She realized the part of him that died was not below the waist.
“Holy mackerel, was this son of a gun playing footsie with me under the table in the same sentence he was lamenting his dead wife? Why do I get all the losers? I can’t believe this is happening,” she thought. She extricated her foot, pushed her chair away from the table and said,
“Excuse me, but your behavior is inappropriate, please don’t do that.”
He ignored her comment while he slipped his foot back into his shoe and spoke about how lonely he has been and that he missed going to Florida about this time of year. When the salads were finished he asked her to join him for two weeks in Florida at the Fountainbleu Hotel. She realized that this guy is either weird or just plain nuts. She replied “that no decent woman does that sort of thing with an absolute stranger, which we are.”
It was hard to finish her main course and she left most of it on the plate. Her mind was racing to figure out how she was going to get away from this sex starved maniac when he took her home. Her fears were well founded. He asked if he could come in for a night cap. Susan was smart enough to say that she had work tomorrow; that she was very tired and did not allow gentlemen into her home after a first date under any circumstances. She told him she “appreciated meeting him.” This was a non-committal remark if she ever heard one. She said, “good night” as she reached for the door handle of the car after he pulled into her driveway. He lunged across the car seat and forced his face against her. He managed to tongue kiss a big hunk of silver earring and woolen coat shoulder. He then reached into her open (mistake) coat and tried to grab at her breast while ripping the buttons and buttonhole of a new silk blouse. She let out a shriek which quickly cooled his ardor. Her keys were already out. She screamed at him to stay in the car or she would have the police there in two minutes. The next sound she heard was rubber spinning on driveway gravel as he spun the wheels to get away quickly. She ran into the house, quickly shut and reset the alarm, ran into the bathroom and promptly threw up everything she had eaten that night and cried for an hour.
When she calmed down enough, she called up her friend Marion and continued to cry. Marion told her she would be right over and to have a pot of tea ready.
”The colossal unmitigated gall of that raving lunatic.” She cried. “Who the hell does he dare think he is to manhandle me that way”?
“You would think a man wouldn’t act that way in his own town with a friend of his own child’s parent. What a weirdo”! Needless to say, she never heard from him or saw him again anywhere in town. “Maybe he found some one to take to the Fountainbleu and she buried him on the beach”, she thought.
It took some time before she was ready to go out again. She went to a North Shore Women’s League mixer and met a few men who danced with her. One man said he would like to have her number He told her he liked her and would love to take her out on Tuesdays and Thursday evenings. She wondered why not on a weekend, and said so. He replied that the other nights belong to his wife. But he would love to have her as his current girlfriend. The only thing that kept his marriage together was the feeling of excitement he had by keeping a mistress “on the side.” He said he would see her several nights a week, buy her presents and he even had an apartment set up. Susan told him that she felt sorry for him. She was glad that she did not share her phone number with him a few minutes before this conversation. She just said. “No sale “and turned on her heels to talk to someone else.
When Jack “crashed” down to earth after being put off by Susan he waited about two weeks before calling Naomi Epper whose name was given to him by another well meaning friend. He took her for dinner and she went on a tirade against her late husband’s children and her first husband and how all men are garbage. Jack made the evening short and didn’t make any reference to calling again. He had a few dates of this nature where women were either bitter, angry or had “issues” that he did not want to have to deal with or even hear about.
One day, while shopping at Lord & Taylor, Jack was buying some new haberdashery. The sales lady helping him asked if he needed some assistance or was his wife going to come down from the Women’s Department to help him. He explained that his wife was upstairs but not in the women’s department and that if only she could, he would be a very happy man. She back pedaled and introduced herself pointing to the pin embossed with the name Rita LeVine, and offered to assist. He determined quickly without to much effort that she was also widowed and he asked if he might call her sometime.
Rita and Jack went out for dinner many times and she invited him over for dinner occasionally as well. Rita was a good cook and wanted to show her appreciation for his kindness to her by making a good home cooked meal. She was a nice person, pleasant looking and worked or as she put it “went to business’ because she wanted to keep herself busy and have extra “pin money”. She often asked Jack for a ride to the airport when she would go out of town and invited him to a family function or two. She never asked him to stay over and he did not push or ask to. He wasn’t quite ready for that.
One day Rita broached the subject and said,
“I really like our relationship; I would like to keep it at this level. I enjoy having you as a friend. I am not interested in having you as a sex partner and we never as you know, got beyond our goodnight kisses. They have been nothing to “write home” about either. When I started seeing you I was involved intimately with another man who gave me a present that I didn’t want or expect. It’s called Genital Herpes. I know it’s under control. I take medicine for it, but I am off sex for the foreseeable future and just want you to know not to take it personally.” Jack was taken aback and responded,
“You could knock me over with a feather. Thanks for being so open, I appreciate it. I used to think that was for youngsters only, but I know better. I appreciate and understand where you are coming from. Thank you for sharing the information and protecting me. I can still be your friend, but of course I will still date other women. I’ll still keep in touch with you.”
Jack knew he said what he felt was the right thing, but as far as being a contender she was on the “Z” list. He was not going to follow through on this at all. He knew it was pointless.
Pauline Garner was another name given to him by a business friend who said she was fun.
After meeting this Rita character he felt like he needed fun. So he called her up and told her who he was.
“What took you so long to call me, Ray told me about you months ago. Do you like to dance? I love to dance.”
He picked her up the next Thursday evening to attend a dance at a dance club she was a member of. She looked really hot, and wore a dress that exaggerated her “charms”. She really was a good dancer, but he was no slouch either. When he took her home she invited him into her apartment which was a luxury building a few miles away from his. He was in a good mood so he went in. She said she wanted to refresh, and excused herself. He watched television and he waited patiently because a basketball game was on.
A few minutes later she emerged wearing a wrapper and asked him if he wanted to shower. He was taken completely by surprise and heard himself say” Sure”.
”You realize you are invited to a sleepover and I don’t expect you to hit and run. I checked you out pretty carefully and I just want to reassure you that this is not something that I do lightly. A doctor friend told me that ‘Sometimes you have to take risks. Anything worthwhile is worth taking a risk for’.
I met you. You’re worthwhile and I want to take a chance. There is no obligation on your part or mine. Let’s just enjoy each other and see if it works. I left you a fresh bar of soap, a towel and another one to wrap yourself. I’m shutting the TV and will be in the bedroom waiting. I bought a package of condoms.”
Jack realized that he had been celibate for too long and was beginning to wonder whether his little friend was becoming like Rip Van Winkle. He hurried motions and came out of the bathroom slightly dripping. Then it hit him.
“I just met this woman she’s nice, she’s attractive, a good dancer, but what else do I know about her. I’m not a college boy interested in becoming a stud. I don’t have any feelings for her yet. Is this the way to get feelings?”
Jack quickly put on his clothing. The look on Pauline’s face was one of astonishment when she saw him in his clothing.
“I can’t believe this; I didn’t think you’re another guy toting “dead wood”. What happened”?
“I just remembered what a friend once told me” Jack replied,
“Don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. I just don’t feel comfortable jumping into bed with someone who I haven’t even broken bread with or had a drink with. We danced a bit and broke sweat together, but that doesn’t do it for me in my present mind. You’re an attractive woman and under the right circumstances, if we knew each other better I’d be bouncing on your Sealy right now, but I just can’t do it. Forgive me. I’m sorry if I disappointed both of us”. His thoughts on the elevator were,
“I hope I don’t wake up in the morning and kick my own ass for turning that down.”
He looked down and said,
“No wonder they call you a schmuck.”
He knew better, and felt strong.
It was a long time since Susan enjoyed being with anyone as much as she did with Jack. Jack never boasted about himself in any form. He certainly did not make any sexual innuendos like so many of his peers who had to make themselves sound like they were God’s gift to women and how they would certainly be able to satisfy her needs . They would sometimes tell her how they felt sorry for her and realize how frustrated she must be. They were most willing to relieve her stress. Those “candidates” were sent right to her mental garbage bin.
On an impulse Jack Called up Susan Sanders to say hello and she seemed genuinely delighted to hear from him. She inquired about his health and family. They exchanged pleasantries for about ten minutes. He asked her to meet him for a movie show and dinner on Sunday. They caught up a little and he told her about his experience with Rita.
“See, I told you there’s stuff out there.”
He didn’t want to tell her that he hadn’t slept with anyone yet. It would be TMI as the youngsters say today, too much information. She said to him that as long as he went to weddings with Rita,
“How about being my escort at a wedding I’ve got coming up?”
He said that he had no plans at all and that he would love to be her date.
They went to an elegant party at the Garden City Hotel and met Susan’s family at her nephew’s nuptials. She looked stunning in her gown and they danced well together and he felt comfortable holding her in his arms as they did the fox trot. She even put her cheek up against his which seemed to feel mutually comfortable.
Jack drove home and had flashbacks to different family affairs he attended in his “first life”. His head was reeling from the whole evening and he felt sentimental not mournful because he actually let himself enjoy the evening.
In their private moments each of them thought that perhaps this would be the night that he would ask to stay over. She was not quite sure about asking him to sleep over yet. It did not happen because she was fearful of rejection.
He thanked Susan the next morning on the phone and said he would call her soon.
“So”, he thought, apparently no one grabbed her up. He didn’t understand why, unless she was just very particular about who she went out with. Then again, he knew there were not that many men in the dating scene that would fit in Susan’s life.
He would make it a point to keep in touch with her and stay in touch because she had class and was “good people.”
Every time he had a bad dating experience he would always come back to Susan where he was comfortable.
A few weeks later he was at a party at a friends’ house and someone told him to meet Renee Harwood. She was described as “a treasure.” He met her and learned why people bury treasure. This cookie told him shortly after they were introduced.
”I don’t dig cleaning and I don’t dig cooking”.
He turned on his heels and said, “Guess what, I don’t dig you”.
“The nerve of her, who the hell does she think she is?” he thought.
She made every other woman he met look fantastic, with that attitude.
Just for the heck of it, Jack started to look on J Date. J Date is a Jewish internet dating service. He saw some nice looking people and some average people and was fascinated by the names some people gave themselves for I.D. purposes. He was perplexed about who to call first. Should he call by proximity to home or should he go by description in the brief biography, or just by looks. He decided that by looks alone would make him shallow. In the end he looked for someone whose picture matched the age group he was looking for. He realized that a certain amount of room must be given for the sake of vanity. In other words he was sure a lot of men and women must lie about their age.
He started out with emails and once in awhile he asked if he could call someone and telephone numbers were exchanged. In several cases the voice alone was a turnoff. In other cases the person was too anxious or melancholy or once or twice too “talky”. He finally decided to speak with Myra Tanzer a second and third time.
Myra was a woman who was honest enough to tell Jack that she and her husband were about to go through a divorce because they had grown apart when their children attended college out of state. Her husband Charles got in a fatal automobile accident and it ended his life. She did not have to go through the bitterness that usually accompanies an adversarial situation that divorces usually engender. She was left financially secure and was looking forward to meeting a nice “gentleman,” with no vices like gambling, drinking or anything else. When Jack was asked what happened to his wife he responded that she died from cancer a year and a half ago. Then Myra told him that she was recovering from breast cancer herself and had chemo and is doing follow ups every six months.
Jack choked up with emotion and said unhesitatingly,
“I appreciate your being up front with me. Honesty is the best policy and I am glad you told me now, rather than later. I lost my wife from cancer almost two years ago. I still deal with it every day of my life. I just can’t bring myself to go with a ‘healthy head into a sick bed’. Please understand where I am coming from, but I just have to beg off from dating you. I couldn’t bear to chance going through that again. I wish you good luck and hope you live a long and healthy life.”
Myra a thanked him for taking the time to explain, and said that she understood very well. She wished him success in meeting someone else.
He wound up taking out two women who looked nothing like the photos they submitted. Jack wondered how anyone would think they could pull the wool over his eyes. He decided that there is truth to the old saying” Desperate people do desperate things.”
“Back to square one,” Jack thought.
He knew where his comfort level was.
Susan Sanders was always eager to hear how he was doing. She was good company to go to the movies and dinner with as well. She had a ready smile and always looked great to him. After about two months of steady dating they decided to go away for a long weekend to the new Wynn Las Vegas Hotel. They looked forward to this next step with nervous but eager anticipation.
Lois, Susan’s friend was known for having exquisite taste in clothing. Lois took her friend out to do a little shopping at a lingerie boutique to get a nice nightgown and some new fashionable things for this trip. Susan blushed, but gave in to Lois’ taste. She selected a nice night gown in a soft peach color and one in periwinkle blue.
She didn’t want to buy too much because of all the new airline weight and security restrictions. They decided that since it’s just the two of them they would travel lightly.
From the moment they got on the airplane they held hands and smiled at other, radiating happiness. Susan said she felt like a college kid going away on a big weekend to another city. Jack agreed that it was very different and he felt like a young man again.
When they arrived at the hotel they were shown to the room. The bell man brought in their carry ons, put the TV on and showed them their 649 square foot room and panoramic terrace. There was a large bouquet of flowers that Jack had sent in advance, together with a small fruit basket, cheese and wine. Susan was awestruck with what he arranged. Jack asked,
“What would you like to do now?”
Susan asked “What are the choices?”
“Well”, Jack said,
“We could shower and go downstairs and lose a little money before dinner, or we can shower and have a little cocktail party for ourselves up here or we can explore the hotel and then again we can do a little discovery right here in the room.”
She replied
”Well, you know that I got a very expensive peignoir and I want you to see it in the light , so I am going to shower, and while you are showering I will put it on so I can model it for you. How does that sound to you?”
“You absolutely hit the nail on the head with that idea. Our tickets for the shows are all prearranged so there is nothing to rush for. Come here sweetheart. Give me a great big hug and kiss before I hurt my back by trying to sweep you up in my arms.”
They slowly sipped some Simi California Chardonnay and made toasts. Jack said,
“I’m so glad that I didn’t get discouraged the first time I met you. I’m a tough businessman and am not easily put off. You have no idea how happy I am to have you in my life. Let’s hope that this is a new beginning for us both.” Susan answered with: “You are a wonderful man and make me feel so protected and safe. I adore you and for the first time in years have a wonderful comfort level and can be myself with no pretenses. I am so glad that neither of us put up any walls or fences. We have such an honest and open relationship.”
Finally they had this getaway to be together in new surroundings. He quickly showered and slipped between the sheets after coming out of the bathroom in a pair of boxer shorts.
He was delighted when she came out without embarrassment in her negligee.
Kiddingly, she said:
“What you see is what you’ve got, and this is as good as I’ve got.”
He was pleased at how beautiful she looked through the diaphanous nightgown and how it showed her figure.
He got out of the bed, ran to her and put his arms around her.
“Honey”, he replied “I can’t believe how absolutely gorgeous you are.”
They embraced and danced in each others arms to the music on the cable station. Jack closed the outer terrace curtains. Eventually they danced their way over to the bed. He sat down next to her and held her close as he slipped the gown off of her shoulders. He whispered in her ear and then told her that he “was now going to make up for lost time. I should have suggested this a couple of months ago.”
Susan said, “I’m so happy we are together here and now”.
The two of them made love like people who are madly in love.
Their love making was not the frenzied hurrying of an illicit romance but the joy of new found mature caring and tenderness. There was plenty of time to relax and bask in the afterglow with lots of kissing and hugging. Her face was radiant and she would not need to apply blush on her face that night.
They were amazed that their passion was so powerful. They both appreciated that they had found happiness again and that there is life “after death”.
The entire weekend was joyful. They did some shopping and even fit in a bit of time in the salon for massages. They held hands wherever they went. The mutual comfort level was serene. This was going to be for keeps.
The entire weekend was joyful. They did some shopping and even fit in a bit of time in the salon for massages. They held hands wherever they went. The mutual comfort level was serene. This was going to be for keeps.
Over the next period of months Jack and Susan became an “item.” It just seemed natural for them to be a couple. They really enjoyed being together and sharing their lives and families. They were just a “good fit” and all of their friends thought that they made a handsome couple totally appropriate for each other. Their wedding was a source of inspiration and pleasure to all who shared that magic moment. It took place almost a year after their romantic weekend in Las Vegas that seemed so long ago, yet like yesterday.
Both of them knew what to do to make it work. This was going to be their last great chance to live again and feel alive every moment of the day. They felt they had something rare and special. Indeed they did.
The End
